My short story
‘All work and no play made Jack a dull boy.’ However, this boy was of the complete opposite. Every time, the thing that always came up to his mind was computer games. He did not even pay any interests to the teachers when in school. The only things that he could succeed in beside computer games were not handing in homework on time, infuriating the teacher and playing truant just to stay at home to play computer games. As a result, his results dropped terribly and he had to receive dressings-down from his parents.
However, he did not heed their advice and continued to play computer games. Soon, it was the Primary 6 mid-year examination. Even though the examination was just the day after, he did not prepared for the test and continued to play computer games. “Stop playing!” His mother’s loud voice echoed in the air. “Not again!” He thought to himself. He immediately slammed the door shut in his mother’s face and went back to his usual routine…
It was the time to give out the report card. The report card was slowly placed on the boy’s table. He had prepared for the worst. Truthfully, his fear came true. On the report card, there was big and reddish ‘F’ word. But the unexpected thing was that the report card came with a slip of paper while the others do not. He carefully opened the slip of paper and was shocked to see the words ‘I want to see your mother or father today. Please bring him/her to my office.’ followed by the principal’s signature.
After school, as usual his mother came to fetch him from school. He slowly walked to the gate, heart pounding rapidly. The question of whether to tell his mother or not, kept popping out in his mind. Once his mother saw his anxious face, he knew that something had happened. “Give me your report card.” His mother requested. The boy tried to act foolish and pretended nothing had happened. However his was shocked out of his mind when she said, “Now!”
The report card with the paper was handed over. She paused for a while, looking at the trouble and mess that he had got himself into. She dragged the boy together to the principal’s office although he was reluctant. In the office, the mother pleaded to give him a chance. However, the principal seemed reluctant and said, “With him, it will only bring down our school reputation. We don’t want notorious pupils.” She had no choice but to use the last resort. In front of her son and principal, she went down on her knees and pleaded pitifully. Still, the principal had no reaction.
With the anger building inside, she gave a tight slap on his face in front of the principal. The principal was stunned to see this. He immediately said, “We can give him a chance.” As a result, the mother thanked the principal profusely. The boy knew that when they get home, the consequences will be dire. From then on, the boy decided to change over a new leaf and for the better.
He worked very hard in the remaining few months and promised to himself that he will score better in the end of year examination, PSLE. Since then, he did not even touch the computer for one second. He did his homework on time and revised his notes whenever he went home. Time passed very quickly. It was the release of the PSLE results. It was the day that he can truly proved to everyone that he had really worked hard.
The principal went up on the stage and announced the results. He paused before announcing the top scorer for the school. He told the school that this score and improvement was an unexpected one. Everyone, including the parents was anxious to know who the unexpected student was. The name was displayed on the screen. To the school’s surprise, the most familiar, notorious student went up onto the stage. There were chatters among the students, “Why… is he up there?” Everyone was astonished. The student that was previously infamous for playing truancy had managed to get the best result among the students.
There was a moment of silence, and then followed by a round applause by the parents and students. The hard work had finally paid off. He had finally proved to everyone that he could overcome the obstacles. Now, he could finally reassure his parents that in the future, he will not repeat his past mistakes again.
I like your first paragraph, it sets the setting and the theme for the rest of the story. It also hints what the rest of the story is going to be like. I also like the way you describe the behavior and the actions of the boy. But your short story and Jerome`s is terribly similar, both of you had about the same story line, the same setting and the same ending.
ReplyDeleteI like your short story. It portryas the setting and theme of the story. The characters are well-thought of, and their actions signify their behaviour. There is also a wide range of vocabulary used. It is an interesting story. Keep it up.
ReplyDeleteYou have done a good job in constructing your story, the flow of your story is very nice and give people an impulse of continue reading it. Your setting is also very clear which give the reader an impression of the characteristic of the main character in the first and second paragraph.
ReplyDeleteHowever, without any doubt, your story and Jerome's are very similar.
Also, please re-comment on my short story as I have edited it, sorry but thanks.
Nice storyline Darryl, I personally think that you should try use less talking statements and change them into either active or passive statements. Nevertheless, your story is logical. Good Job! Keep improving and I am sure that you can get a good result in LA.
ReplyDeleteDarryl, excellent story from you. I do agree that your story resembles Jerome's. Nevertheless, it is logical and understable. The language used can clearly show the actions and etc very vividly. Your setting is clear as it can set the reader thinking about what the story would be. There are all the elements of the story. The setting, rising action,climax,falling action and your resolution after the whole incident. There's a twist in the story but it can be quite expected.(after reading jerome's) Great job. Keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteNg JIA Neng